They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
