I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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