I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
