you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
