so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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