when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
