We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
