my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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