She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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