Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
