I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
