That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
