I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
