I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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