i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hippo gnu deer
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
