on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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