its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
