I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
