i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
