Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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