Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
