i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Couch. On fire.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
