You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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