The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
