If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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