I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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