mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
