Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
