Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
