I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
