guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
