I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
