i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
