drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
