Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
