Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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