I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
so much tequila, so little girl.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
