your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
