but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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