So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
