at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
