Need sex. Gaining weight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's blow job season.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
