did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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