There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
