Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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