His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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