Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
