My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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