Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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