At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
