At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
