HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
